Most of the notes in the previous post about Critiquing Early Drafts of Poetry have been implemented. This version is clearer and easier to read. There’s a stronger sense of conflict and a few new details should make Ormenth’s loss more impactful. Without further ado, here is the revised version of The Fall of Ormenth.
The Fall of Ormenth
Through darkened hallways and trap-laid room,
Adventurers stumbled forth to face their doom.
A valorous battle they had waged upon
Night Queen’s forces through dusk and dawn
Around corrupt altar leered four crones
Guarding on each side, two beastmen drones,
A drow priestess cursed and led the charge
And drow knight attacked on lizard large.
Heroes slew beastmen with fearful haste
Sinister cacophany their ears then taste
Wands of power crackled energy across air
Spells laying waste to the crones all there
Ormenth Roth fought drow knight brave
But ferocious lizard would design his grave
When healing prayer cast at battle’s end
A fallen hero lay crushed and rend
For more poetry, check out @DJFpoet, though the current content there is mostly romantic, there will be more adventure poems going up soon. And check back on the poetry page in the menu, where more poems will be going up here on the website. – DJF